Being 40 Rule #62

Don't ask people, especially younger ones, to score ketamine for you.

Man of Steel

I would be the first to admit that I'm not a Superman fan but Man of Steel is the perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

My reasons are as follows.

1) The Kryptonians were made to look like twats by letting Zod flee the planet while they stayed and went on fire. 

2) Kevin Costner sacrificed himself for fuck all. 

3) Superman must have killed thousands of people in that last battle with Zod and yet... 

4)..despite declaring himself protector of the Earth, Superman twats Zod to death and then Screams With Emotion because he thinks he might have done the wrong thing by killing Zod. Meanwhile, Metropolis looks like Hiroshima. 

5) Superman meets some military officer in the desert next to a crashed helicopter (which Superman crashed into Zod's spaceship which then crashed into Metropolis causing thousands of deaths). The military chap looks at the helicopter then looks at Superman and says, 'That was a 65 million dollar helicopter.' Over their shoulders Metropolis is burning to the ground. 

6) Superman then goes somewhere else. The military bloke asks his aide why she's giggling and she says, 'Well, he is kind of hot.' 

Metropolis then burns to the ground without one scream or stampede of hysterical residents.

7) Russell Crowe as Gladiator as Superman's real dad.

Next Episode:

Danny Dyer

Jamie Oliver / Liam Gallagher hypothesis.

Jamie's 30 Minute Meals, Jamie's 15 Minute Meals. Next comes Jamie's Five Minute Meals where he teaches you to microwave his Jamie's Own ready meals (RRP 4.99. Production cost, fuck all). I'm looking forward to Jamie's Last Suppers where he gathers 12 of his closest sycophants, eats some overpriced shit and then gets nailed to a piece of wood until he dies.

I find it interesting that his new Italian restaurant in Manchester is situated opposite Liam Gallagher's Pretty Green 'boutique' as this goes some way towards proving my hypothesis that 'twats of a feather flock together'.

There is nothing cool about this, or insightful. I'm just a miserable old bastard with nothing better to do.

If you're laughing at what I've written then you're a miserable bastard as well. Welcome to my blog.


Next episode: Danny Dyer